he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
