I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We left the knife in your bed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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