So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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