Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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