Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
