thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
