i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
