I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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