I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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