You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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