Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
