Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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