So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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