I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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