so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
