Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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