WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
