I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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