The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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