Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
