girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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