My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm getting married
To pizza
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
