I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
