The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
