And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
