The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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