He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
