ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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