yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
