Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
