Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
