she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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