i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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