I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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