It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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