what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
