The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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