Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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