he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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