you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize