dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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