the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
