i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize