I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
