Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize