Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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