Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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