you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
