I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
