Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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