Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
