i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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