why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
