It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
