Cold hands, warm shart.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
