Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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