He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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