Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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