I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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