I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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