True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
