I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
