dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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