Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
