dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
