Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
