I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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