Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
